This doesn’t really have much to do with Charlotte, well it
kind of does I guess.
My great uncle (I call him Uncle), who I am very close to,
is passing away from cancer. We just found out he had cancer less than a week
ago, and it had already spread. We were suspicious that he had a serious
medical issue, but we had a difficult time getting good medical help (LONG LONG
STORY). Hospice is coming and helping us
take care of him. Being pregnant, and about to hatch very soon, I just can’t
help out as much with his care as I could with my Grandfather. It is a mixed
set of emotions really; I am not really sure what to think. There is just so
much happening at one time, life and death seem to collide almost in one event.
It is rather strange. I only have a few weeks left in my pregnancy, and I
couldn’t be more thrilled. Uncle Wibby only has a few weeks (possibly months)
left to live, and I am sad. I am counting down the days until my baby girl
arrives, but at the same time, that pregnancy count down has now turned into a
countdown of my remaining days with my Uncle. I try not to think of it that
way, but like I said, it is just a hard pill to swallow and I am not sure how
to “digest” it all. Then I remind myself
that I shouldn’t be sad. Uncle Wibby really misses his wife, his brothers, his
mom and dad and the rest of the family that has passed before him. He has
prayed for death for a number of years now and was even resentful to God for
leaving him behind. He was the eldest and in the worst health, he didn’t
understand why HE was STILL alive at 84. I could feel the skys part and the
darkness of “death” pass as he told me that he confessed his sins and was right
with the Lord. Being a private man, it took a lot for him to tell me that. From
that moment on, it no longer felt dark and lonely in his house. I knew I was
surrounded by thrilled loved ones who had previously passed on. The entire
stress that loomed over their house like a dark cloud was lifted. I shouldn’t be sad because Uncle Wibby is
going to see and be with family that I miss, for that I am jealous. Death is
not means to an end either; it is just another “stage” of life, just like
birth. Tune your “personal radio” over
to your spiritual side and BAM, you are right there with your passed family and
can follow their guidance and advice through life. At least that has worked
well for me. I am never alone, my family is always with me and guiding me.
So while 2 life events are about to be very close together,
I still couldn’t be more thrilled about meeting my baby girl. Even Uncle Wibby
smiles when I walk in the door or anytime I talk about Charlotte.
Anyways, something a little less heavy….. So this is my 2nd
Hospice experience. So far, I like this company better than the company that
served my Grandfather. I have also learned that not everyone’s passing is like
my Grandfather. I loved my Granddaddy SOOOOOO much but to be honest, his care
was the most stressful event in my life. He required CONSTANT care and
supervision, and by constant I do mean that the man HONESTLY NEVER SLEPT…NEVER.
I am not kidding, that was the roughest 2 mo. Of my life. Compared to adult
caregiving, infant care is going to be a breeze. At least with a baby I can
actually pick her up, unlike my Grandfather that nearly broke my back trying to
lift him up. 2am phone calls to help maneuver him were routine. He was often agitated
and for the last month or so, he wasn’t himself at all. Thus far (knock on
wood) Uncle Wibby has been pretty easy going. He sleeps a lot, prefers to just
lay in bed and doesn’t get nearly as agitated and is as easy going as a grump
84 year old man can be. Looking back on my experience with Granddaddy I wouldn’t
trade it for the world, and just as with Uncle Wibby, there are actually some
times that are just flat out funny. When you are faced with death, when it is
looking at you in the face, what else can you do but laugh some times. Crying
does no good and accomplishes nothing, then you are just sad. Granddaddy was
one to make me laugh, sometimes unintentionally. Uncle Wibby is the same way.
The things he says at times crack me up. The way he “sleeps” when he is wanting
people to leave him alone for a while. The way he complains about his son, can
be funny at times too, like an old married couple bickering about the air. Hahahah.
I have learned a lot
about end of life care and it is funny how a lot of that same care will be used
at the beginning of life. Weird. My Hospice experiences have taught me so much
and I am much better prepared “mom” for it. Hospice care has been my “mommy
bootcamp” and I have learned so much about caring for others. I am so much more
comfortable with this mom business because of my experiences with Hospice.
So, today was a good day…all in all. Uncle WIbby ate a bit
of food without getting sick. He took his medications and treatments instead of
refusing them, he rededicated his life, and in the process put a smile on our
faces too. We cleared the air on a few “family business” matters and things are
looking up as we stand by his side during this life change.
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