Everything I know about caring for children I learned from Hospice

This doesn’t really have much to do with Charlotte, well it kind of does I guess.

My great uncle (I call him Uncle), who I am very close to, is passing away from cancer. We just found out he had cancer less than a week ago, and it had already spread. We were suspicious that he had a serious medical issue, but we had a difficult time getting good medical help (LONG LONG STORY).  Hospice is coming and helping us take care of him. Being pregnant, and about to hatch very soon, I just can’t help out as much with his care as I could with my Grandfather. It is a mixed set of emotions really; I am not really sure what to think. There is just so much happening at one time, life and death seem to collide almost in one event. It is rather strange. I only have a few weeks left in my pregnancy, and I couldn’t be more thrilled. Uncle Wibby only has a few weeks (possibly months) left to live, and I am sad. I am counting down the days until my baby girl arrives, but at the same time, that pregnancy count down has now turned into a countdown of my remaining days with my Uncle. I try not to think of it that way, but like I said, it is just a hard pill to swallow and I am not sure how to “digest” it all.  Then I remind myself that I shouldn’t be sad. Uncle Wibby really misses his wife, his brothers, his mom and dad and the rest of the family that has passed before him. He has prayed for death for a number of years now and was even resentful to God for leaving him behind. He was the eldest and in the worst health, he didn’t understand why HE was STILL alive at 84. I could feel the skys part and the darkness of “death” pass as he told me that he confessed his sins and was right with the Lord. Being a private man, it took a lot for him to tell me that. From that moment on, it no longer felt dark and lonely in his house. I knew I was surrounded by thrilled loved ones who had previously passed on. The entire stress that loomed over their house like a dark cloud was lifted.  I shouldn’t be sad because Uncle Wibby is going to see and be with family that I miss, for that I am jealous. Death is not means to an end either; it is just another “stage” of life, just like birth. Tune  your “personal radio” over to your spiritual side and BAM, you are right there with your passed family and can follow their guidance and advice through life. At least that has worked well for me. I am never alone, my family is always with me and guiding me.

So while 2 life events are about to be very close together, I still couldn’t be more thrilled about meeting my baby girl. Even Uncle Wibby smiles when I walk in the door or anytime I talk about Charlotte.

Anyways, something a little less heavy….. So this is my 2^nd Hospice experience. So far, I like this company better than the company that served my Grandfather. I have also learned that not everyone’s passing is like my Grandfather. I loved my Granddaddy SOOOOOO much but to be honest, his care was the most stressful event in my life. He required CONSTANT care and supervision, and by constant I do mean that the man HONESTLY NEVER SLEPT…NEVER. I am not kidding, that was the roughest 2 mo. Of my life. Compared to adult caregiving, infant care is going to be a breeze. At least with a baby I can actually pick her up, unlike my Grandfather that nearly broke my back trying to lift him up. 2am phone calls to help maneuver him were routine. He was often agitated and for the last month or so, he wasn’t himself at all. Thus far (knock on wood) Uncle Wibby has been pretty easy going. He sleeps a lot, prefers to just lay in bed and doesn’t get nearly as agitated and is as easy going as a grump 84 year old man can be. Looking back on my experience with Granddaddy I wouldn’t trade it for the world, and just as with Uncle Wibby, there are actually some times that are just flat out funny. When you are faced with death, when it is looking at you in the face, what else can you do but laugh some times. Crying does no good and accomplishes nothing, then you are just sad. Granddaddy was one to make me laugh, sometimes unintentionally. Uncle Wibby is the same way. The things he says at times crack me up. The way he “sleeps” when he is wanting people to leave him alone for a while. The way he complains about his son, can be funny at times too, like an old married couple bickering about the air. Hahahah.

 I have learned a lot about end of life care and it is funny how a lot of that same care will be used at the beginning of life. Weird. My Hospice experiences have taught me so much and I am much better prepared “mom” for it. Hospice care has been my “mommy bootcamp” and I have learned so much about caring for others. I am so much more comfortable with this mom business because of my experiences with Hospice.

So, today was a good day…all in all. Uncle WIbby ate a bit of food without getting sick. He took his medications and treatments instead of refusing them, he rededicated his life, and in the process put a smile on our faces too. We cleared the air on a few “family business” matters and things are looking up as we stand by his side during this life change.

I have mentioned I have been uncomfortable lately

So……Last night was the first time that Charlotte’s movements had awoken me from sleep. It was about 4am, and she had the hiccups. How can something so small have the worlds most powerful hiccups?  I swear my entire body was shaking from HER hiccups! Even in my groggy state, I noticed that her hiccups were not where I had normally felt them before. I was used to her tiny hiccups being felt just above my pelvic bone (I am carrying her very low) but last night, her hiccups were on my right side. MY RIGHT SIDE, WHY ARE THEY THERE?!?!? I thought we were locked and loaded in the head down position and NOW, I am constantly changing sitting/laying positions to dodge her kicks to my hip bones. I am disappointed. I was hoping she was going to STAY head down and make life easy for Mommy. Who was I fooling, a girl, making up her mind and being easy going…. HA. It is getting a little late in the game to change the plans now. We have got to get moving into our starting position baby girl. Sideways in Mommy’s belly is not good preparation for “Labor” Day. Maybe she is trying to help me by pushing my hips even farther apart. hahaaha

-sigh- oh well. 

Mommy is not very comfortable with baby girl being in this sideways position….not at all. She is putting pressure on various bones and organs which is leading to some uncomfortable feelings and light cramping. She will stretch out and I can feel her head pushing against my right hip bone. She LOVES to do this too, and to be honest, while I love feeling her move, this is not the most easy feeling in the world, it is a very….strange feeling. Lying sideways, she feels SO much heavier than she did when she was head down. I feel like I am carrying around a 15lb bowling ball just above my pubic bone and between my hips. Because of this heavy sensation, I am walking even funnier than I did before, and the pressure on my lower back makes it feel weak in just a few steps.

Did I mention I was uncomfortable? Hahaha

Sleeping is pretty rough too. I can usually get in a few hours before getting up every hour to evacuate the bladder. I don’t seem to be having too much of an issue with lack of sleep, although I do get worn out quicker during the day, I think that is mostly just from the added stress on my entire body. My biggest issue is body pain when I wake up. This has to be what it feels like to be 80. My back, hands, legs, neck and feet all hurt, and I haven’t even gotten out of bed. Thank god for my Chiropractor because without him, I would have cried “UNCLE” weeks ago. Just stepping out of bed and putting both feet on the floor, cracks my back. I feel like I have been in a fight all night long. Then I worry that I might have hurt Charlotte in my sleep. I am not sure why I am so paranoid about this, but I am. EVERY morning I worry until I feel her first movement for the day. I have been known to pat and shake my belly, just to make sure she is still moving and alive. I don’t know what I could possibly do to hurt her in my sleep, but I get paranoid about it. The nightmares at night are really graphic and frightening too.

Man, I am uncomfortable. 

“PRACTICE YOUR KEGALS” really…. Are you serious? Like, I have to actually sit around and think, oh must be time to flex my “who ha” muscles.  This is a cute thing to do when you first find out you are pregnant, “Look I am preparing for the big day”, now it is a different story.  I no longer have to remind myself to “flex and hold”, baby girl does the reminding for me.  Isn’t that great?!?! “BLAM” kick to the bladder.  “HOLD IT HOLD IT HOLD IT……., whew. Crisis averted”.  “BLAM” kicked again, “Eeeek hold it hold it hold it ……….whew, crisis averted”. This happens at least 50 times a day. Charlotte is QUITE the active little uterine ninja.

But for all this uncomfortableness, feeling ugly, body pain, cramping, I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world and would gladly endure it all over again for my darling little girl. These next few weeks are going to be the longest of my life. I cannot wait to hold my baby girl in my arms (and not share real estate in my belly hhahah) see her face, watch her breath, smile, look back at me, eat, and sleep. I get to hold her as she moves (without getting paranoid that she is going to punch THROUGH my belly). I get to see the look on my husband’s face as he holds his darling daughter, a little bitty life and soul that he and I created and I incubated. I can’t wait to hear him coo in her ear and smile in her face, bounce on his knee, and walk on top of his feet.  I have a new respect for expecting mothers, well all mothers really, and even mom’s that didn’t get to hold their darlings in their arms before they passed. Creating life is the most amazing miracle ever. Inside my belly is another living soul, and personality, and I already love her to pieces, forever, no matter what.

34 weeks and counting down!

I am sad that I haven’t posted anything sooner. Pregnancy waxes and wanes, on one hand time is flying by, on the other (when I am getting up 5 times a night to pee then expected to be bright eyed for work the next day) it creeps by at a snail’s pace. 

Case did a beautiful job painting and decorating Charlotte’s room! I was impressed with his mad skills. My only job has been curtains, which I cannot decide on. I have already purchased several packs of curtains only to return them because they are not the right “shade” of green. UGH……I shouldn’t have volunteered to do curtains; I should have left that up to Case too. He would have already done a better job than I could have done! 

My family shower was BEAUTIFUL! I had tons of food and everyone had a good time. There were so many compliments on how beautiful it was and how good the food was. Charlotte got so many nice prizes!  Momma and I have been having so much fun organizing all of the supplies. Little old ladies and the things they say are hilarious. Some of the old lady comments were the epitome of Southern charm and grace, other comments were very…… crazy old lady like. I was told that my little belly was just precious, followed by how much larger my butt was than my belly. Another lady, in an attempt to smooth things over commented that it wasn’t really my butt, that I was just “big all over”. Geez, thanks. Hey what do you do, the truth is I am pregnant and I am much larger than my former small self. It is what it is, and is a good incentive to lose any excess poundage before the next little one arrives. Actually the horrible pain in my feet from the pressure of the weight and relaxed ligaments is all the incentive I need to never be this big (even while pregnant) EVER again! It feels like I have worn high heels all day long! 

Bree hosted a shower for me as well, and it was also beautiful and the girls that attended had a nice Sunday afternoon. Good company, good food, good times. Again, I got lots of nice prizes and Momma and I spent that entire evening “nesting”. Her and I were like 2 little momma birds building up our nest getting ready for the new little tweetie birdies! 

Brooke and the ladies at DT are also hosting a shower for me this coming weekend and I am looking forward to spending some fun time with my dancing queens! It is fun times. 

Some days I feel great and have plenty of energy, other days I feel pretty run down and tired. I started to slowly slow down starting about week 30. It started off with my energy waxing and waning, and breathing heavier. Indigestion was becoming an increasing problem. Grandma Dalton told me that my “time was near” when “you can’t sleep, you can’t eat, you can’t breathe, you can’t sit, you can’t stand”. As each week passes, I lose one of these abilities. According to the old wives tail (or the scientifically peer reviewed articles) indigestion is a sign of hair growth. If this is true, baby girl is going to come out needing a haircut! Hahahaha. The indigestion has been pretty bad at times. I have darted up from bed thinking I was going to be sick, only to have this horrible acid thick mucus stuff bubble up in the back of my mouth and up into my nasal sinus. It burned so bad! I have learned that eating past 5pm is a very bad idea. Even water will give me indigestion, it is crazy. Today, I took a half a day from work. I woke up and was still feeling very run down, with my feet still hurting and the tension in my back cranked up. As I stepped out of bed, every bone in my back popped and it still wasn’t enough relief, I needed my Chiropractic adjustment! I get so run down and tired so easy, and recuperating from too much activity takes 3 times as long as it did before I was pregnant. WHEW. 

Today I am 34 weeks and I can hardly believe it. Well, my head can’t believe it, my body sure does!

Speaking of being tired, it is almost my bed time so even though there is so much more I want to say, I will have to save it for another day. Case will get on to me if I don’t go to bed soon and get my rest. I still wanted to talk about my first “Newborn Care” class at Crestwood hospital and all the cool stuff I learned. I also felt a tiny little 1.5 inch foot today! First time I have felt an appendage. I can pin point Charlotte’s head, and her back/butt, but until now, I had no clue what movements were hands and feets! SOOOOO CUTE!!!!!  I guess that will be on my next post. Night night!