There is a human, ALIVE in my tummy, clawing and kicking me.

19 weeks 4 days….

Actually if you add in the 3 days “ahead of schedule” growth of the baby, then REALLY I am 20 weeks today. THANK GOD I AM HALF WAY DONE! I can’t wait to meet my baby.

I hate that I am just now posting an update about my last prenatal visit, but all these totally unimportant things, like Grad. SCHOOL, keep getting in the way of my nesting. Lol 

The evening before my prenatal appointment was my parent’s 31^st wedding anniversary. Case and I met them for dinner, and we were all a buzz talking about the next day’s appointment.  Boy or Girl? I was feeling boy, so was my mom . Case was guessing girl. My dad had an advantage, he consulted with the “Great Oz” (Grandma Gibbs) who has so many grandchildren and great-grandkids, I don’t see how she keeps count. I honestly have so many cousins on that side of my family that cutting out sending Birthday cards significantly reduced my yearly budget. LOL.  Daddy was going with boy, until the Great Oz was insistent I was carrying a baby girl. The Great Oz has been wrong in the gender predictions less than a handful of times, pretty amazing considering Grandma has been predicting pregnancies for YEARS now. I wonder how she does it! Everyone had their own reasons for their guesstimates and it appeared we were pretty much split down the middle, 50/50. SOMEONE was going to be correct. 

That night, I could hardly sleep. I honestly don’t care if my baby is a boy, a girl, or mixed gendered. My baby’s gender has no effect on my love. To be honest, I would have these weird emotions and sometimes anger that people would ask what gender I thought I may be carrying; or which gender would I rather have first. This isn’t something that should stir my emotions…..I found it odd that this question bothered me. I am a strange bird, so for whatever crazy reason, every now and again, this question would hit me the wrong way. Times like these, I like to blame the pregnancy hormones. Why does it even matter “WHAT” my baby is…..it doesn’t. J Why is my baby already being “identified” as one thing or another; more importantly, why is it of any concern, it is a BABY. My heart would break as I thought about how difficult the simple question of “Are you having a boy or a girl” must be for parents of mixed gendered children. What if you really don’t know which gender your child is, how do you even respond to such an innocent question?  In due time, it will work out, but as a baby, the only thing it needs is care and love. Love is all that matters in a baby’s life, and not having pink frilly panties, or blue booties. I got a few strange looks from people when I would get tired of being asked which gender I wanted, and I would respond that “I honestly don’t care; boy, girl, or mixed gendered. My husband and I will love our baby the same no matter what, we are hoping for a healthy child.”

Ultrasounds have been known to be wrong, but as our ultrasound technician said, “You have a beautiful textbook photo of a little girl. These are excellent photos”. Looks like Case and I are going to be the parents of a baby girl! J More importantly, it appears that the baby is developing as it should be and mom and baby are healthy and doing fine. The baby was measuring just a few days early, so that was news that made me happy. The easiest decision for Case and I was baby names. We had a name picked out for either gender, and for our little girl, we decided on Charlotte Gene. Sadly, Case and I have been having a harder time deciding on a “new to us” car than what we should name our 1^st child! Hahahahahaha. It has amazed me how much closer Case and I have become to Charlotte after seeing her on the U/S photos, feeling her move in my tummy, and giving her a name. It is amazing how in just a few weeks, our baby has went from a tiny bean looking thing on an U/S photo, to a tiny human cocooned in my tummy. At this point, she is basically fully formed, and is just hanging out putting on weight. Case and I will rub my tummy when we want to feel close to her, and I have even been found guilty of talking to my own stomach. God, pregnancy makes you do some very strange things! LOL.  After experiencing pregnancy (at least up until this half way point) it really makes me sad for the beautiful and precious lives that will never be had because they were terminated and never given a chance to move, kick, and enjoy life. I now keep these terminated babies in my daily thoughts and prayers. It really breaks my heart. Oh god, another weird hormone thing…..here come my water works. WHY AM I CRYING! 

Charlotte’s movements have been getting stronger by the day. In just a few more weeks, she will be packing a mean punch. What started off feeling like tiny muscle spasms now feel like my tummy has a mind of its own (because well, it does. LOL) and I have no control over when I am going to feel a funny twitch/flutter. I love them, they are like little messages that say “Hey mom, just in here hanging out and wanted to say HI. Please send more strawberry short cake, love ya, thanks.”

Now that our baby has a name, the reality of being parents is starting to set in. Case and I are so excited, but I would be lying if I didn’t admit to being a little scared. I am going to be responsible for the upbringing of another human’s life. It is my job to protect, love, and teach my child about life. What do I even do? How do I not warp my kid?  I do my best to try and not get overwhelmed with the “OH GOD don’t screw up” and remind myself to just take it one day at a time, but I have my moments.  

Right now, Charlotte is hinting around that it is time to hit the hay. She (and myself) have hit a growth spurt here lately (as evident from my obvious protruding belly) and by her strength. I can tell when she is working hard growing, I get tired really easily. I already had one nap today, and I think I could sleep for 100 more hours!